The unknown: Something more than that??

The unknown: Something more than that??

Friday 6 January 2017

The unknown and overcoming it is something I have struggled with for a very long time and is something I talked about in my new years resolutions post.

The Unknown and the though of it scares me, but like with any fear I talked about it with my therapist. It doesn't mean just because I have talked about it with my therapist for a couple of sessions that I am magically cured and no longer scared of the unknown because it defiantly doesn't work like that, although i wish it did.

*deep breathe* since I was a kid I hated doing things that I didn't know every detail about, I hated meeting people and doing things that I couldn't predict the outcome to and throughout the years with the experiences I have been through it has enforced this fear more and more, I was finding myself stopping doing things because I couldn't predict what was going to happen.

Last year, things had to change. I made massive decisions that ultimately I didn't know what was going to happen. I had to make the decision whether I was going to better myself and further my life or I was going to take the safe option. I chose to take the riskier option. I chose to move cities, start uni, a new job and so much more! It was terrifying and looking back all so worth it. It was worth it because of the experiences I have had (both positive and negative), the knowledge I have gained, and the friends and people i have met, as well las so many more things.

While these are things that I have taken a chance with it doesn't mean I wasn't terrified by them, I am also finding that I am still making decisions out of fear of not knowing what is going to happen. I have needed the start of potential relationships with amazing people because i am scared of getting hurt, I don't do things and avoid places and doing things because I can't predict the outcome. One event imparticular have been heavily based on not knowing what is going to happen and with this particular thing whatever I decide I cannot predict the outcome, which obviously is something that I struggled to deal with. Ultimately I have realised that, this is probably something I will always struggled with however I came to the decision on what to do in that situation. I decided that ultimately I have to do what is best for me, I don't know if it will be the right decision in 6 months, five year or even 20 years but right now this is the best decision for me. Yes, it could be viewed as the most predictable option but ultimately I chose this decision because it is the best thing for me.

Ultimately sometimes the safe option is what is best for us and that is how we should live always choosing the option that will be best for you, whether that is scary and unknown or not. My therapist and I made a list as we do quite often that list consisted of some of the  things that I have done that I didn't know what the outcome was going to be and it turned out the it was mostly positive outcomes, sure there were things that turned out to be crap ut from those experiences I have learned valuable things and they have helped shape me into the person i am today.

Live life with the thought process of how good is it going to be for you, what are you going to learn that will be of value to you!

Looking back on 2016

Looking back on 2016

As I look back on 2016 i am glad that it is gone however I am also glad that it happened. 2016 globally was a sh%t year, personally; it was a sh$t year. However, if i look at it as a bigger picture its not as bad as I think. I've learnt a lot, experienced a lot and met a lot of amazing people.


January
2016 started off with passing high school and getting accepted into university. This came with a lot of stress. The stress involved picking a university, and finding a flat in another city. I also go to visit a lot of family which was awesome.

February
I moved to a new city, got my restricted license and started uni all within two days. February was busy, long and stressful. This month was also very daunting, I have anxiety (to say that is an understatement) however with uni my anxiety wasn't that bad, I think was more because I didn't have time to process things and thus, no time get anxious however I will never forget the 30seconds that I was at the lights that I suddenly felt anxious. The light soon turned green and the anxiety quickly disappeared.



March
March was pretty much filled with uni assignments, not really to much else.

April.
April was a good month. My birthday is on a public holiday which meant that i had a three day weekend for my 18 combine this with the fact it was 3 of my other friedan 18th it equalled an amazing weekend with an amazing bunch of friends and too much alcohol consumed. Regardless, it was still a good weekend and was a nice break from uni even if I did regret it the next day. This month also had its ups and downs. I had a pretty bad depressive episode at the end of the month, it started off with driving to work, I got there and burst into tears, literally had a meltdown in the carpark of work. That was fun and stressful. I drove home and called my aunty and went and stayed with them for a few days. This did mean that I missed uni and work but it was for my mental health and that should always be number 1.

May.
May was also pretty boring catching up on assignments from my meltdown (haha, sh*t I was a mess) and basically getting my shit together as well.

June.
June was the same as March although I was in a much better mood because I had holidays coming up and was going to Niue in July.

July
Most of the month I spent with family and in Niue. I loved Niue and it is such a beautiful place. You can check out my blog post on Niue here. I also started second semester at uni, same old thing as semester one.

August, September.
I'm going to combine the two because they were pretty boring. I kept going to therapy as I had throughout the year which was hard because my therapist is in Whangarei and I was living in Auckland but I managed it and it has resulted in me kicking my mental illness in the butt, maybe not really kicking it in the butt but I have made so much progress and if I may say I am proud of myself. I also starting going to a young adults christian group which was amazing and over the last few months I have continues to explore my faith which is also something that I will continue to do. I also moved house, forgot about that one although is probably of some importance!

October
The friend I met at uni who had become one of my best friends called me a f%^&ing b^%&h (still don't know why). Yea, so that happened. Obviously, We are no longer friends.

November
I finished exams (thank goodness!), moved back to Whangarei (only over summer), and relaunched my blog. November was amazing! There really isn't anything else to say.

December
I feel like this was the same as everyone else December. It was controlled by Christmas, I also participated in blogmas and got my end of the year results (We aren't talking about those).

It was an amazing year, although it had its up and downs but I got through it in one piece!

What was your 2016 highlights? What month was your most eventful?
Let me know in the comments below.